It's all in the mind just mind games convince yourself that you Re stronger than the urge stronger than the pulse. He'll just go outside and sit there and write on here for five minutes anything to take away the crave.

Tomorrow is freedom day. I'm gonna get free I swear.

Just threw away three packs that's 21 dollars if that's not enough to stop I don't know what is.

Finished Reading First Textbook for the Semester

I feel so accomplished. I am done reading my biopsychology book. It was not too big, only 18 chapters, but it always feel good to finish a textbook. It is a lot different then finishing a regular book because with a regular book you get an ounce of enjoyment reading it, and with a textbook you are focusing on every single word in the book and try to cram as much of it as you can into your memory.

Finishing a textbook is always a sign of semester coming to a close. Feels good to be one step closer to the goal. This also means that four brand new textbooks are just around the corner.

Proud MAry

Ok - I promise this is the last song upload for today. I just had to do it.

I love this song with a passion. It is one of my favs and I am surprised at how easy it is to play on guitar. :)

Retarded Baby

I really hope I dont offend anyone with this one. This song was written by accident, and it was one of my biggest "hits" as much as it is probably offensive. People seem to love it.

Miss you

Another song that I wrote when I was 16. This one is kind of funky, I like the guitar part a lot.

Apology

I wrote this song when I was 16. I wrote three in a row and nothing since. I am working on it now, but nothing seems to make any sense. I really want to get back into song writing and have a whole collection so I can have a song for any occasion. And the next time someone asks me to play them something I will be able to rather than just sit there strumming along theme music from mario.

Tonight's Dinner - BEST YET!

Tonights Dinner was the best yet! I made a delicious saute out of zucchini, shallots, and olives. With dill, lemon zest, lemon juice, and chicken broth. Spooned on top of fresh grilled fish cooked in delicious real butter. Nothing beats it, I dont care if my arteries get clogged.

On the side - PERFECT creamy delicious mashed potatoes. Tried a new recepie and it really paid off big. My potatoes usually turn out either too watery or too thick. These melt in your mouth with every bite.

I have been waiting all week to make this meal, and it has definantly turned out to be the best one yet. :)

Paramore Cover

Recorded this tonight. I got the Riot! Album from amazonmp3 earlier in the evening and I heard this song and I just had to play it.

I love the way it sounds, and the lyrics are touching, and it was a nice release for me.

Compliments

There is no greater compliment then the one that comes from a patient. The patient who you just caused trauma too by inserting a 14 guage needle into their fistula. The needle that scared the shit out of me the first time that I ever saw it. The needle that rips through skin like butter and has a steady pulse of blood through it even before you unclamp it. The needle that makes grown men cry, the needle that is the life support for thousands of dialysis patient across the world.

After I was done she said "you are so gentle, thank you. And so nice, and so neat." I have never felt better. This poor woman has enough on her plate to deal with. The least I could do is a good job sticking here. The least I could do is attempt to cause her the least amount of pain. This patient has been friends with this needle for years, and they get together three times a week like clockwork.

But, I am sure that the pain is still there, even after all of these years. I am glad that I could do my part on this one day, for this one patient, and alleviate some of the pain.

A lot of things are changing in the unit, some for the better and some for the worse. There is going to be a dramatic shift in power in the upcoming weeks and it will be interesting to see what happens with that power, and who will hold that power. What does this mean for me? More responsibility, more collateral duties, and more bullshit from more nurses. Gotta love it!

I am almost through with this semester, and I am pretty sure I am going to squeeze by again with a 4.0. Someone asked me today at work if I was taking the summer off. HELL NO! I am talking 12 credits. :D

It will be busy, but worth it in the long run.

Thank goodness its the weekend. Even though I have a million things to do, it will be nice to just sit back and relax and take my time doing them.

I need to make sure that I stay in the house as much as possible, because I am flat broke and every time I step outside, I spend more money.

Next week I am taking a petty officer leadership course, in anticipation of actually getting frocked once the results come out in may. I hope that I make it. I am so ready to be a second class that I am burning at the heels and am this close to just saying fuck it and buying all the uniform items ahead of time.

I better make it, that test was easy. Too easy :/ Dont wanna get my hopes up, but it sure would be nice. On top of the gained respect, more opportunities for leadership, etc. I will get MORE MONEY :) (House buying anyone? ) DC/MD/VA here I come.

I hope that whoever reads this blog (if anyone) has an awesome weekend. I am going to try to have one myself.

It's been a week since he left. This time last week I was laying here... Depressed confused dissapinted and heart broken. It has been easier than in the past. I think I have finally realized that it's brtter this way and it's time to move on.

There have only been a couple of occasions in which i truly stopped and whispered I miss you into the wind. The rest of my days have been busy and full and have not had too much time to really think about this.

Usually at this point I'm anxious sad confused and ready to get back into the vicious cycle all over again.

He'll yeah I am sad but that does not mean that I am going to continue to endure the pain lies and deception. I will get over this and move forward.

Don't look back you can never look back.

I hope things stay like this. For the first time in a long time I can truly say that I am happy to be on my own.

I've been so tired lately, allergies are kicking up and I think the meds are making me fatigued. Boo! Damn whoever decided to steal the cherry blossom tree from japan and plant it here.

Bye Bye Birdie!

Just got cute little post cards for the musical. Save the date come out and support your local community theatre and of course catch me in my "debut" :D It's okay. I am just there for decoration, but the show will be really fun.

Tickets are $20, $18 for Seniors and 18 & Under.

Box Office 301-937-7458

Check out http://www.pglt.org

Tonight's Dinner

Tonight’s Dinner – Herb Crusted Chicken

 

So, finally got through all of that lasagna. It was delicious but 3 days of lasagna is a bit too much for anyone to handle. Next time I will make sure to invite guests before I make it!

Tonight I am making herb crusted chicken. I am completely fudging the recepie because I forgot to put out chicken last night so it had to be thawed in the microwave. Next – I dont have chicken breast so instead I am using tenders, but the gist is the same so hopefully it will turn out well.

Its very simple, a marinade with lemon zest, rosemary, salt, oil, and red pepper flakes. Then cooked half way and coated with balsalmic vingegar.

I am making it with rice, as always pics to come soon. :)

I'm definatly not ready for anything like this. Worry about yourself for a while. Whole life is ahead.

The clocks in the hospital are all jacke up and it's tripping me out. On a bright not it's absolutely beautiful outside :) and the treatment was very smooth today. No clotting

I don't know why the last post was sent twice. Must be a bug in SMS.

So it's Sunday night. Not a very productive weekend as far as homework goes, but I did take care of a lot of errands that have not been done since I got back from Ohio, so that's Always nice.

Another work day tomorrow, play practice after. And a big biology test on teusday that I have still neglected to study for.

But as always there will be light at the end of the tunnel and I will make it through like I always do. :)

It's been a rough year. Culminating at the end of last week. There wAs a lot of back n forth but I'm certain that I'm not looking back again and only looking forward from now on.

Things hve changed so much. I have grown a lot and if anything else I learned some valuable lessons from this experence. But there is no tuning back. I must be strong.

Next week I am going to wrk through the Russian cookbook that I have. Kind of like the movie Julie and Julia except my book is much smaller and it's Russian food. If anyone reads this - stick around for the ride because it's gonna be a beat soup filled adventure. :)

The musical is coming up soon. Gotta get focused and put on my game face.

Stop thinking that it will ever work - it never will.

Stop thinking of how nice it was. - it was terrible.

Stop remembering the good times - they were few and far between.

Stop preteding your in love. - the person you fell in love with never existed.

Move on with your life. It's the only way. Set yourself free.

Stop thinking that it will ever work - it never will.

Stop thinking of how nice it was. - it was terrible.

Stop remembering the good times - they were few and far between.

Stop preteding your in love. - the person you fell in love with never existed.

Move on with your life. It's the only way. Set yourself free.

Lasagna

So it's delicious. Very hearty and warm. Fills u up. The fresh veggies really stand out in this one.



Sausage bay leaves and fresh mozzarella.





Oodles of noodles!


Home made tomato sauce


Ready for the oven

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Lasagnia

Tonights Dinner! Lasagnia. Home made, takes a lot longer and costs a hell of a lot more than the regular kind. My fatal error: Buying 4 pounds of tomatos out of season – OUCH!

A. It would have been cheaper to get a can of pasta sauce , and I would have saved like 1 hour of my life.

BUT!

B. I am pretty sure this pasta sauce is going to be AWESOME. :)

My kitchen is full of lasagnia strips while I am waiting for the sauce to be done. It is simmering now for about 40 minutes.

Quick note: Always ALWAYS ALWAYS! Use fresh herbs and spices when you can. The smell of Oregano, Garlic, and Bay Leaves is AMAZING right now. – When I used the dry stuff it just does not taste the same.

Will upload a pic when its done!

Complaints about Windows 7.

 

Honestly to my suprise there are not many. I got the wireless card situations fixed and now I am enjoying using this computer. It is nice to have three computers. A lot of people ask why the hell does anyone need three computers in a 1 br apartment. But you would be surprised how many uses you can find for them.

My only real complaint so far is minor but still serious. I hate how windows holds your hand. Every time you try to do anything other then surf the web it asks if you are sure.

I understand there are certain situation in which the every day user can cause some serious damage by clicking on something or opening a file that should not be opened. But those are few and far between and I really wish that – they would just let you use your computer. I always feel like big brother is watching me.

I guess it does not bother most people – but after using Linux for all these years where you can do whatever the hell you want. It  is just strange.

I give kudos to windows for widows 7, I do not regret getting it, and I have not yet had a moment where I just said “fuck it, im going to install ubuntu.” :)

Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares.

Why does there have to be a Kitchen Nightmares Marathon, when I am trying to actually get some work accomplished for once. This show really captivates me and makes me want to cook. Then I go to my kitchen realize that I have not went grocery shopping in weeks and then proceed to throw some wings into the microwave and call it a day.

Luckily Spring is here, and the Farmer’s markets are on their way back, so hopefully with some fresh vegetables I will get the spark back.

Windows 7

I just got an machines desktop with windows 7, and I am checking out this neat Windows live writer. I have to admit, I am enjoying it so far. Despite the fact that the wireless card that I bought does not work with my computer. This so frustrating, in the past I could always rely on windows for compatibility. But unfortunately they are in the same boat as Linux and Mac when it comes to windows 7. Its very frustrating.

But other then that minor setback, It is nice to have a desktop around for a change. I always enjoyed having something stationary to look at. Also, its nice to have a big wide screen instead of a tiny laptop.

No more eye strain! Great Ergonomics.

More IT News: I am checking out IBM Lotus Symphony which is an office suite bases on Open Office . org and I am liking it too. The reviews said that it was more polished and I agree. It is very similar to open office, except it is more polished.

I just wish that I could sync all of my computers. That's what sucks about having windows Mac and Linux in the same household. Nothing is synced and I cannot make up my mind on which one I want to use more often.

Script Frenzy

http://www.scriptfrenzy.org

I am going to do this!

I have no idea what I am going to write about, and I am already a day behind, but that does not matter.

Look out world for my screenplay.

I got an a on my research paper. So happy. Got my top down and going on a drive.

Not gonna let anyone bring me down today.

I dnt understand why people want to come into your life tell you that they love you and fuck it all up.

Are we ever gonna learn that life is too short and we cannot keep going around and hurting each other.

All we have is each other. I am thankful to have so many good friends to fall back on when the shit hits the fan. This is one of those moments.

Everyone who knows me ha heard all about it by now. And it's about time I put and end to it once and for all.

He is not a good person. He is a selfish lying sociopath and he will continue to be that way and therebis nothing that I can do to change that.

I am no cup of tea either, but having said that I tries my best to be understanding to make thugs work, but I can only endure so much abuse before i cAll it a day.

I should have walked away a long time ago. I only have myself to blame at ths point because I put myself in this situation.

I am never looking back and I am never going back. I don't give a shit what happens to him.

I have my own life to worry about.

My patient clotted off this morning with an arterial pressure of 510!! I was freaking out. Could not rinse him back. When I say clotted I mean big as chunks.

It sucks too because he left 200 cc of blood in the lines and with an hct of freaking 7 he needs all the blood he can get.

This is twice this week. Gonna tell doc to reconsder heparin.

After reading chapter on sleeping I too am going to only get 5 hrs of sleep per night.

Apparently it makes sleeping more efficient and adds 21 hours per week to your life.

This is day one so far so good. Let's see how long it takes before I crash.

First Night

It was fun, I met some awesome people and I have a feeling like this is going to be a good time.

I need to stop being a DIVA though. I dont spend too much time on the sidelines so its kind of wierd to sit back and watch everyone else take the stage. My turn will come, it has been four years and maybe its for the best if I have a small supporting role.

Make the best of it. I can clearly recall that some of my favorite characters in some of m favorite musicals were just there for decoration - like me.

Life in the limelight - gotta love it.

Sitting in stage it's been so long one hour till I meet the cast this is gonna be great I cannot wait. :)

Bye bye birdie

Had to deal with a political correctness issue about w
Easter decorations. I think respect should work both ways and people need to stop being so uptight. There are ffensive things all over the world and if u just get the he'll over it life will be so much easier.

See south park about Christmas. Explains the whole issue.

Winters over

I miss it a lot, this was my favorite part.










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Talk about motivation. MLC app for iPhone. I have saved a dollar and eight cents so far by not smoking and I have not smoked 3 ciggs. :) little things keep u going .

Read chapter about sleep and it brought up some interesting things. Two major thirties are the recuperative and circadian. Recuperative stating that sleep is the bodies mechanism of repairing the damage to homeostasis that being awake contributes. Circadian theory states that from an evolutionary perspective sleep is something that we do so that we don't do something stupid at night and get killed.

Very interesting stuff. The bad news is I have always been a fan of freud but being a psych major will have u learn that no one believes a word he said. Him and all his friends just talked out of their asses.

It's ok I still believe in you man.

Also good stuff on sleep deprivation. Can't wait to finish this class. Four more chapters to go and then a final, but it has honestly been one of my most enjoyable classes to date.

Very interesting book by Pinel, highly recommended.

Blogging is not the same thing as writi g an article or a paper and I forgot that a long time ago, it's time to get back to the roots.

It initially starred as a bunch of links and now has become themed In order to keep people posti g every day. Thirsty Thursday whiny we'd etc.. It's a bunch of crap.

Spill your soul out and then people will read.

U don't need a theme and no one cares what's in ur netflix que.

1110 pm gym in the morning today was very unproductive but at least i finished my paper about the genetic aspects of alzheimers disease. It feels good to have that weight off of my shoulders finally.

This weekend was good, starting play practice tomorrow and I am going to be in a show for the first time since 2006. I cannot wait.

I know that the last thing that I need in my life right now is some other deadline or more stress but hopefully this will be positive stress and not negative stress. As the song goes just put on a happy face.

I'm spying when I should be sleeping this is a crazy as jinzhi would say. I can't wait for this nightmare to be over. Just hurry up and fuck this all up so we can both move on with our lives.

Day 1 Is tomorrow it's been 2 hrs and I think it's gonna suck for a while. Idk how many times I have tried an failed and I'm not alltogrther confident that even this will be the one.

We will have to wait and see. I'm so fucking tired of being a slave. Wasting my money and commuting chronic suicide. I will break free. I am in control